I also just finished reading a self-help book, Passionate Marriage, which made me re-think a lot of my beliefs about intimate, committed relationships.

Basically, it explained to me what I have been doing to avoid intimacy and passion. Has anybody out there read any of David Schnarch's stuff? He has to have the ugliest last name ever.

I found the book by looking for a glbtq therapist in Portland. On one therapist's web page he mentioned that he was influenced by this guy. So I read an interview with Schnarch, and I bought the book and devoured it. I noticed that as I was getting to the end that I read it slower and slower. I didn't want it to end! Partly, I suppose because the vision it presented of healthy relationships was hopeful, but ending the book meant getting to work.

The book exclusively describes man-woman marriage, so I had to mentally translate at times. I'm not sure exactly how the dynamics play out in gay relationships, but I recognized enough of myself to have many a-ha! moments.

Of course, "...action without insight is impulsiveness, and insight without action is passivity." Or as a friend used to say: "Insight is cheap!"